Morning

Dallas Green wrote "It's the little things you miss, like waking up all alone."

For a long long time I didn't understand this. I had been waking up all alone for my entire life and couldn't imagine ever missing that feeling. But today it made sense.

I woke up in my cozy queen-sized bed, in my sun-drenched bedroom and immediately felt happy and calm and grateful all at once. No family, no boyfriend, no coworkers. No one but me. The feeling was bliss and one I acknowledged that I would someday miss.

I got up and made a cup of green tea, washed a few dishes from yesterday, and set to making breakfast as the morning sun reflected off the lofts across the street and filtered through my soft living room curtains. I sauteed onions and leeks in olive oil, added salt and pepper, then added chopped spinach. Mixed this with scrambled eggs and put on two pieces of grilled flatbread. Delish. This was my go-to breakfast all week :)

A Day in the Life of

I had a somewhat New York-y day. My boyfriend and I picked up food and went and had a picnic in the park by the river, where I tried to read Anna Karinena. I got 6 pages in and was bored as hell. Then we got coffee and he had to go to work so I met a friend for drinks downtown. Afterwards, I went shopping and picked up some pashmina's and nail polish in the hot colors for Fall 2013. Then I went back to my apartment to paint my nails and watch Gossip Girl. I am off to pick up some Vietnamese from a local restaurant. Not sure what this evening will bring :)

Day off

I find myself longing for a rainy day off. I bought a new umbrella from Eddie Bauer. Surprisingly it was the only store in the mall that had a decent selection.

Its really pretty!

The last time it rained, I had a really good thing going with my cozy sweater and my boyfriends' cuddly cat.

It was painful to leave him and go to work.

I'm back in Really Want To Go To New York City mode. So today I was at the mall picking up some things I needed for a wedding this weekend, and I decided to buy a purse that will look fabulous in the Big Apple! It is the Nine West Can't Stop Shopper in Violet.

It also goes with a lot of other things I own, including my new umbrella!

NYC here I come! (...eventually;)

Romanticize

I have a tendency to romanticize everything. The last time I was at home when it was raining, I found myself listening to Jazz and looking at pictures and videos online of rainy Paris or rainy New York City. I did all this instead of actually going for a walk in the rain. My reason were: No rain boots, no umbrella, no decent rain coat. I really do need to buy this stuff.

Truth

All The Wrong Keys

I've decided that it's time to bust out of my comfort zone, and do a few things that scare the shit out of me.

Namely, performing again. I used to love it, then all of a sudden it terrified me. Need to get over that. I'm not 100% sure how yet, but I'm thinking baby steps. I'm going to see if I can jam with some friends who perform at a lounge I used to work at, and then maybe I'll do a duet or something. I just want to sing though, I'm not ready to play piano and sing. I get too nervous that hit all the wrong keys.

♪SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy♫:

Got You (Where I Want You) > The Flys

(Thanks Bree!)

Why Stay

I have had my heart set on buying a house for the past few months. Not that it is going to be anytime soon, at least four years, but I am trying to get on track to buy one. The first thing I have to do is pay off my student loan, and then save up a down payment. But tonight I had a thought: If, by the time I pay off my loan, I am not under any obligation to stay in the city, I may do something drastic ie: Move to NYC or LA. Quite frankly, I am over this awful climate. And with no one to keep me warm at night, why stay???

♫SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy♪:

Heart Of Gold > Neil Diamond

Priorities

I'm sitting here listening to Band Of Horses and its kind of weirding me out because this time last year, they were my go-to band, and now I'm getting creepy nostalgic vibes. *Shiver* Moving on... I bought a Christmas tree today! Me and a friend went to Superstore and checked out some decorations, but the only Christmas thing that I bought was a tree. I need to take stock of my decorations and figure out what I need. I was in more of a home-stuff buying mood than I was in a Christmas mood. Not sure why. Maybe its because I've been cleaning out my apartment so much lately. Why do I have so much junk that I don't need, and not have any of the things that I do need?

Why do I have no dish soap, but 10 pairs of shoes that I never wear?
Why do I have an empty fridge but three shelves full of DVD's?
Why do I have a hundred pairs of earrings but only four pairs of socks?

These questions perplex me...

♪SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy♪

The Funeral > Band Of Horses

Lost In Lost In You

I am in love with a song. Lost In You by Three Days Grace. I am figuring out my own instrumental arrangement of it and then I will post it on my YouTube music channel. Last night I played the piano until I had blisters on my pinky fingers.

SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy: isn't it obvious...?

I ♡ CLOVERFIELD

True Story: It is almost midnight and I should be asleep right now because I have to get up at six to get ready for work, but instead of sleeping, I am lying in bed thinking about...how much I love the movie "Cloverfield".

Cloverfield has everything that I love in a movie. It:

1. Is set in New York City (I LOVE movies that are set in NYC)
2. Is scary (but not "I'm afraid to go to the bathroom alone" scary. Its just right. Its what I like to call "Deliciously scary. "30 Days of Night" is also deliciously scary)
3. Has a love story. Awwwww!
4. Is filmed "camcorder style". Feels real!
5. Has a comical narrator
6. Makes you think about what is important in life
7. Has a very attractive lead male and female
8. Mentions Coney Island, which is also the title of one of my favorite Death Cab songs.
Ok so now I'm just getting carried away.

Just watch it.

Reminisce <- I spelled that right on the first try!

For some reason I was really excited to come home from work and blog, even though I didn't really have anything interesting to blog about. I don't want to talk about work because I feel like when I'm not there, I need to focus on other things. So thats what I'm going to try and do.

So I came home and immediately went onto YouTube to update a few things. Confession: A long time ago ("Tell Me World..." January 7th, 2006) I blogged that I was going to use my Tim Hortons earnings to pay for singing lessons. That never happened. I did try though, but I was in school at the time and the lessons where really expensive and were going to be difficult to schedule and I had gotten rid of my car so I was going to have to bus there and it was just a big gong show. Fast forward from then to February 2010. A friend of mine had given me a microphone for my birthday, but I actually didn't get it until Christmas, which I'm still not sure how that happened...anyways. This friend encouraged me to record some music, and a few months later (Feb 2010) I wrote and recorded my first song!!! I was pretty excited because this was something totally new for me. Oh and also, about three years ago, after I got my first serving job (Yippee! It finally happened! Remember the Boston Pizza fiasco..."Rebirth" November 12th, 2005. Yeah I didn't get that job, but I got a different one two years later...) I ended up buying a pretty sweet digital portable grand piano. Combine that with the MacBook Pro that I did end up buying ("Hello World! Guess What?" May 16th, 2006... hey, this is kind of fun :) ) and voila! A little studio in my bedroom! So I have a YouTube account now and I post my new songs and stuff on there. So far, the feedback has been pretty great! The only problem is I am TERRIFIED of performing in front of people, which is the reason I stopped singing in the first place! Now work has caught onto my little hobby and apparently I am being forced against my will to perform at our staff AGM in February. I told my boss that I am scheduled to have H1N1 that day. We'll see how that pans out.

I don't really remember why I stopped blogging. Its not that I stopped logging my life away, I have countless word documents of my escapades, and I have been keeping some sort of journal or diary since... grade seven about (mind you, there are a few gaps)... maybe it was just easier when I was in school to use blogging as an excuse to take a break from studying. Who knows. I feel bad though. I went back and read everything and I had forgotten alot of stuff. And its cool to see what goals I had and what stuff what really important to me back then, and compare it to what actually worked out and what wasn't really that big of a deal. I will probably be referencing past entries in the next couple that I write so as to bridge that gap that is the last four and a half years. Stay tuned.

SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy: Stars- The xx
(PS -I stopped doing these too somewhere along the lines...WTF I suck at consistency)
(PPS... or is it PSS..These may be mellow choices for the while, since I tend to blog before I go to sleep...:) Zzzzz.....

Ps: I Love [Gerard Butler]

Back In The Saddle

I'm definitely a different person than I was the last time I wrote on here, that is for sure! Its been almost four years and so much has changed. But some things haven't. One thing that has not changed is that I still HATE winter! I HATE HATE HATE IT! And now that it is November 14th, it is only a matter of time until I am trapped in a colorless snow-scape from which there isnoescape. Haha. So witty. I always try and make the most of it, but without a car, I usually end up barricading myself inside for days at a time, and after a while, I start to go crazy. So to cope, I am taking up blogging again. It seemed to help get me through before. Its something for me to look forward to. Even though no one reads it. So here it goes. Oh and there's another thing that hasn't changed....I'm still a lost realist.

SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy: Colors - Amos Lee

Kill Me Now

I'm in a pissy mood. My landlord won't fix the dryer. It works, then it doesn't, then it does, then it goes but doesn't dry. The thing is from the jurassic era, at least. So this morning I washed my work uniform, and lo and behold, the dryer won't start. So my uniform is soaking wet, and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I'm gonna strangle him. Thank Gosh it's not July. So far my summer has sucked, but then I remember that it's not really summer yet. I'm like "What the hell, I don't even have a tan!!" but then I remember.."Oh yeah, it's May."

I spent the whole day alone yesterday, except for a few brief hours spent "shopping" with my friend which just turned into a gong show and a waste of my day, and then about half an hour cuddling with my BF. So I was alone from 10-2, then 7-bedtime. It sucked and was really depressing. I watched Newlyweds the whole time pretty much. It was raining and cold, and I wasn't feeling well.

*SIGH* Now I must go blow dry my uniform. Somebody save me.

Hello World! Guess What!?

I think I'm crawling out of the funk that I was in. I think it's the plum trees outside my kitchen window. They are blossuming and they are so gorgeous. You can't look at them and not be happy. Although right now they view is sorta ruined by my landlord poking around with a weed wacker.

Sadly, I have my heart set on a new piece of Apple technology. Remember the iPod? Well once I was set on that, it was only a matter of time. This year's pursuit: The new MacBook Pro. It's sleek; it's sexy. It's damn right wonderful. It's $2099. BUT this morning I was looking on the site for where I'm going to buy it from (campus computer store) and they dropped the price! Now the 15" 2.0 GHz is $1999 instead of $2699. Rockem Sockem! I was so stoked. It totally made my day. So I guess I'm still debating over it, but I really want it!!!!!

Yesterday's awesomeness came at the beginning of my shift, when I found out that Timmy Hoe's employees get a free membership at the gym that is like five blocks from my house, and I think the largest in my city. YIPPEEE!!! It pretty much made my week, after I had been ho-humming around all morning bummed out about having to show my face after the big drive thru monitor catastrophe. On Friday night the monitor in drive thru cut out and I was supervising. I didnt call my boss because it was late and I figured she's come in in the morning and fix it then, plus technicians usually don't work that late at night. So apparently she didn't come in until 10 and the people in the morning didn't call her either. I woke up to a nice little phone call, yes I did. Actually, she was pretty good about it. And I sounded like a man because I had a cold that week and with all the talking I had to do, after I slept I had no voice. Don't you hate that? Me too.

My sister is bent on completely redacorating our entire home. We want a new couch for sure, but honestly, I barely ever use that couch right now and I'd rather get a computer. That we NEED. This thing is a piece of shizz. Oh to be able to watch Killers videos! Download rockem sockem songs! Make my own movies and remixes! Webcam with my rad little sis! *sigh* yeah maybe I shouldn't get one..I'd never do anything else! : )

Science of Progress

Alas, I have not written for many a moon. Life was kind a a whirlwind for a while. BUT I worked my arse off and killed my finals.

Class Final Exam Final Grade
Physics 97% 90%
Calculus 98% 98%
Spanish 95% 90%
English(barf) 80ish% 77%

I was super pumped about calculus, since I totally slacked in that class, never did homework, crammed for every test or quiz, and even skipped a few lectures to, erm, make out. I left studying for the final until two days before, then hammered out like mad. This time, I was more prepared for what they were going to throw at me. I had to write three weeks earlier than everyone else, because my exam was schedualed at the same day and time as english. Pukey English. Waiting for my mark killed me.

I wanted to ace the crap out of physics. I studied for a week. There was a lot of material. By the time I was done studying, I had done the equivalent of six or seven actual finals. I was a little nervous going in, because I need to keep my GPA up incase I want to transfer next year (I am considering going to Hawaii), but I finished in about an hour and a half, spent an hour going over the whole thing again, then left...I think I was the first one done. I did better in that class than I did in High school physics:P

I know I' m a keener, but seriously, I get a major high from doing well in school. I did awesome in highschool because i didnt have alot of friends, I didnt party or anything, and I barely worked. My boyfriend is going to Alberta in August, so that will be the end of us. Truthfully, I'm feeling that its over already, and somehow I'm not that distraught. I will miss him though. We got along really well, but what can you do. I'm not ready to get married and I'd rather die than be in another long distance relationship. My car is breaking down and I don't want it anymore. I want to get rid of it and free up that stressful part of my life. I wont have to pay for gas, plates, oil changes, repairs, tire swaps, yadda yadda. I can take the bus and walk everywhere, and out that extra money toward something cool, like a rad computer. I've decided that I am going to work really hard in school next year. I'm looking at how well I did on the finals and thinking why the hell didnt I work that hard all year long?> Oh yeah because my heart got wrenched out in January and I was left for dead. Now I remember...

Download: MakeDamnSure>Taking Back Sunday (MY BOYS ARE BACK!!!!!!!)

The results are in.....

94. Ecstatic.

The Physics of Physics

I did it.

I wrote my physics exam. Truth be told, I had given up on it a week ago. I was gonna let this one slide, accept my crappy mark, and chalk it up to experience.( to never break up at the beginning of a term.) But then I had visions of myself sitting there, staring at the questions having no idea how to solve them, beads of sweat forming on my forehead, and butterflies swirling in my stomach. I got very scared. So I studied. Not only that, I made a b-line for the uni bookstore and bought the 2005 physics textbook, student solutions manual, and a book of multiple choice questions.($200+) I studied like a maniac for two days, only breaking for class or when I physically couldnt handee it anymore. I was counting down the hours.

Suddenly I found myself staring at the opscan sheet, with nothing but a pencil, calculator, 1.5 hours, and my brain.

The thing about the phyics exams here is you never know what they're gonna throw at you. You can study the simple stuff and they'll have really hard Q's, or you can prepare for a tiger test and they hit you with a fuzzy kitten. This one was somewhere in between. A fuzzy tiger. Or maybe a black and orange kitten.
Anyhoo, I think I did pretty good. Better than I would have if I had bypassed the studying. But you never really know how you did until you get it back. My first exam I thought I did awesome and I only got 60. My second, I thought I did so-so and I ended up with a 86. My goal is to finish physics with at least an 85, so I gotta work really hard. (Currently at 75) Marks wont be in for a good 1-2 weeks, but I'll let you know the results.

ANTICELLULAR

Planetary mechanics of my ex:
There is no God
The sun stays where it is
The Earth revolves around me
I revolve around my cellphone

What is it with people and cell phones? As I was scarfing down a piece of pizza today, I saw a girl and a guy sitting at a table together. Everything seemed normal except for one thing: He was sitting there staring off into space while she was yacking away on her () I was like what the h..? I don't even understand it. Why do people think that they are so important that they need to be contactable AT ALL TIMES? They're going off in movies, they're going off in classrooms, they're going off in church, in malls, in buses, people just walk around talking on them like if they hung up they would die. Like, drop dead in their tracks. Like that blonde joke where the blond goes to get her hair cut and she is wearing headphones and tells the stylist to cut around them and then when the blond falls asleep the stylist takes off the headphones, puts them on her ears and hears "Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..."
Its is annoying as hell. They'll be walking down the hall and you're walking behind them, when HAAAAAAALT they stop, you rearend them, or sideswipe them and collide with someone else, all because of some stupid text-message or stupid ringtone going off.

OH
MY
GOSH
DO NOT
GET ME STARTED
ON THE RINGTONES.

I'm not even gonna..yeah.....we're just gonna leave that...
Ex friends (aka friends of my ex) used to ask me why I didn't have a cellphone. I said no one calls me when I'm at home, why would I pay $50+ a month just to be rejected on a minute to minute basis? Then they would say, "If you had a cellphone, I'd call you." Two words but I'll only give you the acronymical version, and also the initials(ironically) of a washed up trailer-trash pop singer: BS
I've seen the built in phone books. The lists hundreds of names long. They don't even know half the people. It's like people on MSN. They're online, but you never talk to them. You block them because you don't want to, you set your online status to "away" to avoid annoying IM's. Why not just block and delete? Because somewhere, somehow, SOMEDAY you MIGHT call them or they MIGHT call you, and you will NEED for the sake of YOUR LIFE, to have an up-to-the-minute call display. I gasp as I slowly fathom the potential catastrophes that could arise from being unprepared for such a situation. 9/11 and hurricane Catrina got nuthin on that.

oblivious

I am trying to convince myself that I am not sitting here blogging solely for the purpose of avoiding studying for physics. I wish I could crawl into a hole and die. I feel the same as when I broke up with my boyrfriend: If the earth were to open up and swallow me whole, I would not mind one bit. Infact, I would give thanks.

I am also trying to convince myself that I am not sitting here blogging solely for the purpose of avoiding the gungie greasy white trash school children with which I share the 3:30pm bus ride home.

Other things I am NOT avoiding:
The bloody-freezing minus 25 degrees of winter hellishness
Going home to a dirty kitchen and an empty fridge (partly my fault)
Spending another Friday night home, most likely alone or pretending to be invisible to my sister and her boyfriend
The pile of homework I have accumulated, which grows exponentially by a power of three daily
My boring ugly colorless-rent-a-home-so-you-can't-paint-it room

Yup. I am not avoiding those things. Don't even know why they came to mind.

Ok I had a heated discussion with someone about this last night. Is it wrong to make out with your sig.other in a restaurant? He said if he ever walked in and saw me making out with some guy in a restaurant he would do something to make me very embarrassed and my life very miserable. I smiled and swirled my straw in my marguerita and thought "Not if it was you..." I love this phase of the game, when they don't know...

The Perils of a Left-Handed Life

I was always under the impression that segregation was not so rampant in my society. That was, until I entered university. The lecture theatres are huge, so many seats, so many potential classmate to befriend, so many angles to learn from, so many....wait a second, this desk doesn't work...

I am left-handed and always have been. It has never really been a problem for me, because for some reason, I only write with my left-hand, everthing else is right-handed. This would always throw off P.E. teachers, who would ask "Is anyone here left-handed?" Of course I would raise my hand and they would proceed to show me some alterplanetary method of holding the racket, throwing the ball, shooting the arrow, swinging the bat, loading the rifle, opening the parachute, etc etc, which would always end with me noting that I actually did it the other way. Suddenly I was some rare breed species of subhuman or superhuman. I prefer the latter.

So in uni one of the first things I noticed was that the desks built to accomadate left handers were scarce, and in some remote desolate corner of the room where no one else sits; the only company being dried up gum, spilled coffee cups, and furry creatures scuttling in and out of the creaking vents. I hate it! Is is to difficult to make multi-armable desks?(Yes I made that word up)Did it ever occur to the so-called "engineers" that we lefties like to be in the general viscinity of the chalkboard, within the general soundrange of the prof, within the general area of the campus? Obviously not.

A guy at work the other day told me that in medevielish times, lefties were considered witches and either had to write right or die! I say bring it! I'll challenge your near-sighted narrow-minded right-handed world! If writing left is such a handy-cap, then get Telemiracle to pay my tuition, give me my own entrance, and a parking space two metres from the door.

on that day...

Oh sweet, sweet summer,
How I’ve missed you so!
Shine your warmth down on me
And wick the tears from my cheeks so quickly
That the shock of their sudden disappearance
Zaps the memory of their existence from my brain.

I will court you barefoot
And together, we will dance under the twinkling stars.
Our laugh is the tangy scent of a fresh pineapple
Whose juice drips down our chins and giggles
As it tickles our toes.

I will soar with the eagles through the month of July.
Only from way up there can I clearly see
Where I’ve been and where I am going.
The beat of their wings will fan the hair from my eyes,
As we play in the sky.

I will race you down a grassy hill
In a white skirt so soft and so delicate
That it forms a cloud at my knees
And I ride it to the bottom and that
is how I will win!

I will hold your hand
As we throw color bombs at the moon.
He will awaken when they explode and then
We will have a spotlight and an audience
For our dance in the lake!

Oh beautiful, beautiful summer,
I thought you had forgotten me,
But here you are at last!

Oh wonderful, glorious summer,
I promise I will not ignore you.
We will spend every minute of every day together,
And we will have so much fun!

Oh sweet, sweet summer,
Don’t ever leave me!
You are my one true love.

Questions of Science

I've spent the last two+ weeks trying to scrape myself off the ground and get on with my life, but it has not been easy. Im only two weeks into school and already I'm behind in every subject, with a stressload comparable to finals. On top of it all, I have a physics exam in less than two weeks and I haven't studied any of it!! So, needless to say, I've been freaking out, and not really sleeping much.

Last night I was tossing and turning, thinking about my past. Thinks like, why I worked so hard in highschool, how I felt when I was finished. The elation of finishing strong. That is what I want this year. The big stresser for me is physics, because if I don't get at least 70, I will have to take another one-year course next year, INCLUDING the labs from HELL and I DO NOT WANT THAT!!!! So, I have decided to kick it into high gear. Study Study Study. Forget about boys, forget about toys. TRAIN HARD! GO BIG! I am not gonna let a funny little footnote on my epic @$$ ruin my chances of success! So this is my pledge. You heard it here, folks. I'm turing my life around.

SoNg SuGgEsTiOn Of ThE dAy: Take A Picture-Filter

cough eee

So I signed up for a fitness consultation at the gym....should be interesting. i had visions of the guy off Napoleon Dynamite, ya know the guy that wears the star-spangled banner pants? " Now, who wants to sign up for my eight week program?"...ahem...only funny if you've seen the movie.

I worked last night from 4-11 and woke up soooooooo tired today. I was literally falling asleep in math class. That hasn't happened since high school. Totally sucks.
Anyway, I'm having visions of all the things I'm gonna buy! That pricey perfume I wanted, a new mattress, personal trainer, new sheets, some cool stuff for my butt-ugly room...the list goes on and on. I like how I know more than the people who are in charge of me, but I play it low like I'm some sort of coffee minion. The last thing I want is to supervise that place. Ugh.

I'll stay postd if you will....:P
oh yeah..
SoNg SuGgEsTiOn:let's see....We'll go with Waiting-Trapt

Words of Wisdom from a Tyrant Mouth

The Top Ten Mistakes To Make At Tim Hortons

10) Leaning the donuts to the right instead of to the left






9)Getting caught taking a 35 minute break






8)Accidentally on purpose forgetting to put up the wet floor sign






7)Feeding timbits to seagulls out the drive thru window





6)Getting caught telling racist jokes over the headsets







5)Getting caught stealing ice capps and drinking them in drive thru







4)Whip topping fights







3)Undoing your top button






2)Lying on TIme and Temps






1)Falling in love with your Assistant Manager

Tell me world,...

is it crazy to want a new kind of pain? Not more, but a different kind. Sometimes my life is so ironicly painful, I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I am back at Tim Hortons *sigh* Same company, different city, different people. Oh...and no boys. What what once my home is now back to what it originally started as...a jill job. However, I am powerless to erase all the laughter, the tears, the passions and memories in between. The love, the hate, the love...Oh the love that destroyed me. Sometimes I feel so out of control, like no matter how hard I try, I always end back at the same place. Oh well. Like I said, it's a jill job. I am there for one reason and one reason only: To pay for singing lessons.

I have decided that 2006 is DO IT year. I've done things I said I would never do, and have never done the things that I always said I would. No more talking, no more hoping and dreaming. If I want it, I get it. If I wanna do it, then I do! No more excuses! I want to sing my lungs out and nothing is going to stop me. Nothing.